Winter sucks. If you like winter, you’re a sociopath. The nights are long. The days are gloomy. The snow quickly turns to slush. Worst of all are those damn face piercing winds of an arctic blast. Old people are wise. They all live in Florida and Arizona for good reason. The rest of us idiots however, have no choice to but deal with with these arctic blasts head on. Here are the stages of how we cope.

Stage 1: Denial

“Yeah, there’s solid agreement in the ensembles, but the predicted blast is still 10 days out. A lot can change.”

Stage 2: Anger

“Are you effing kidding me? SantaCon is this weekend and I already ripped the sleeves of my Santa suit last year.”

Stage 3: Bargaining

“Maybe I have enough airline points for a last minute flight to Puerto Rico? Nope. Hmmm. Maybe the Jacuzzi repair guy can come tonight?”

Stage 4: Depression

“We have 3 more months of weather just like this. I don’t think I’m going to survive. Global Warming needs to hurry the eff up.”

Stage 5: Acceptance

“lol I wasn’t gonna spend any time outdoor anyway.”