Welcome to the Weekly Siren Test, AtmoLife’s hodgepodge of meteorological happenings helping you survive your Monday. Content may or may not be satire, and it is your responsibility to decipher that for yourself.

One of the most underrated American traditions is claiming that your state has the most bipolar weather. For exhibit A, I present to you the 5 most recent “has the most bipolar weather” tweets.


(I see you, Guam. You deserve to be a state ASAP!)

Only one state can be correct in this claim however, and an in depth AtmoLife study reveals that this state is Texas. Our findings are reaffirmed by this past weekend’s weather reports in Texas:

  • Freezing rain (Panhandle)
  • Large Hail (Southwest Texas)
  • Tornadoes (Dallas, Waco, and Houston areas)
  • Mid 80 temperatures (South Texas)

By contrast, Oklahoma and Kansas also had ice storms this weekend, but no severe weather. Louisiana meanwhile, has a marginal risk of severe weather with today’s continuation of the storm, but no threat of ice storms. There is something particular about Texas that makes it susceptible to both severe weather and winter weather at the same time.

Furthermore, additional concrete evidence surfaces in the form of memes showing that this past weekend’s weather is no unordinary event for the state.

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If you’re not sold on memes being definitive proof that Texas’ weather is more bipolar than the other states, US Tornadoes, a reputable AtmoLife 100 source, shows that Texas observes more tornadoes than any other state.

annual-united-states-tornadoes-state-averages

It is important to note however, that Texas’ weather is alarmingly less bipolar now than it was roughly 175 years ago. Although historical records are sparse, climatologists believe that storms of that era frequently produced blizzard conditions, avalanches, and landslides across Texas in addition to the ice, hail, and tornadoes still observed statewide from modern storms.

texas1836map
Texas circa 1836-1845

So what makes Texas especially susceptible to a large range of weather? It will certainly take ample funding, but with your help, we may just be able to find an answer to this question.

Donate to AtmoLife now.

GROAN AREA FORECASTS

After witnessing 3 hours of failing defenses inside Jerry World, fans doubt the building’s structural integrity and abandon it during a tornado warning.

Meanwhile, Kansas City Chiefs fans can thank the ice storm for extending their postseason 7 hours longer than usual.

Both the severe weather and freezing rain are part of Winter Storm Jupiter, and if you were impacted, you probably Saturn Uranus inside all weekend.

California is expecting heavy rain again this week, which will no drought lead to more flooding.

With deteriorating forecast accuracy, it’s time we stop chemtrailing and start chemleading.

METAR CODE WINTER PRECIP POWER RANKINGS

1. TSSN (Thundersnow)
2. IC (Ice Crystals, ALSO KNOWN AS DIAMOND DUST!)
3. SN (Regular ol’ snow)
4. SG (Snow grains)
5. FZDZ (Freezing drizzle)
6. RASN (Rain and snow mix)
7. GS (Snow pellets/graupel)
8. PL (Ice pellets/sleet)
9. FZRA (Freezing rain)

HYPE PREDICTION OF THE WEEK

Gotta love good ‘ol murdersleet. Not be to confused with:

  • Homicidehail
  • slaughtergraupel
  • punctureprecip
  • Annihilationaccretion
  • Massacrefrost
  • liquidationfreeze
  • guillotineglaze
  • Deathdendrites
  • Reaperriming
  • Iceice

ATMOLIFE MS PAINT FORECAST

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WEEKLY INSTAGRAM CONTEST

Each week, AtmoLife asks our followers to post a challenge response photo/video to Instagram and tag our Instagram account (atmolife) in it.

Last week’s challenge: Tag atmolife in a new Instagram photo/video of someone completely incapable of handling winter

Winning response:

Congrats, itsgussaayyy of Hobart and William Smith Colleges, you win a free AtmoLife koozie and 3 AtmoCup points for your school!

This week’s challenge:  Tag atmolife in a new photo/video of a pretty sunset that you see this week.

Below is our example:

The winning responder will again earn a free AtmoLife koozie and 3 AtmoCup points for their school. We’ll announce the winner in next week’s Siren Test, so be sure to submit your Instagram posts by 12Z Monday!

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