The latest and greatest(?) disaster movie, Geostorm, hits theaters this Friday, and just like every major film of its genre, it has already generated plenty of buzz among the meteorology community. The trailer hints at the excessive use of two cinematic devices that pique the interest of every weather enthusiast:

  1. State-of-the-art natural disaster special effects.
  2. Groan-inducing scientific fallacies for us to criticize harshly to whoever will listen.

From what we gathered from the trailer, a near-future society has network of satellites that control the weather and prevent natural disasters, but it goes completely batshit, probably due to hackers. This causes floods, naders, and poison fog diarrhea on a global scale. It almost looks like The Day After Tomorrow was re-written by a conspiracy theorist (Lord knows Hollywood has plenty of them).

If you’re the drinking type, we imagine a stiff beverage or 3 will ease the eye-rolling induced by the film’s scientific boneheadery. Because unlike your non-meteorology friends you regretfully brought, you don’t possess the ability to “SuSpEnD yOuR dIsBeLiEf” for this grade of bullshit. So fill up your flask, call an Uber, and enjoy the movie more than you would otherwise by playing along with AtmoLife’s official Geostorm drinking game.

Drink 1 sip (Definitely gonna happen)

  • A new type of disaster occurs on screen (i.e. the first instance of a tornado, tsunami, deadly freeze, etc.)
  • Somebody explains a meteorological phenomenon incorrectly
  • Somebody uses meteorological data/equipment incorrectly
  • Buildings collapse
  • Scientist warns government about something and gets denied/ignored
  • Awkward love-story B-plot development while disasters are occurring

Drink 3 sips (Probably gonna happen)

  • Gerard Butler is shirtless
  • Crazy conspiracy theorist turns out to be correct
  • Any mention of Chemtrails or HAARP
  • Obvious and cringe-worthy allegory to current politics
  • Government official gets killed by the problem they’re denying/ignoring

Drink 10 sips (Hopefully doesn’t happen. This would normally be the “finish your drink” category, but then you’d have to miss part of the film and spend another 5 bucks at movie concessions to get the next soda you pour the contents of your flask into, and that’s not ideal because you’re definitely gonna want to drink the entire time for this doozie.)

  • Tropical Cyclone spins the wrong way
  • “Air” is sucked down from outer space
  • Category 6 or higher hurricane occurs

Fuck it, finish your drink anyway¬†(If any of these happen you’ll want to throw your bag of popcorn at the screen as you walk out immediately.)

  • Aliens appear
  • It was all a dream
  • Somebody travels back in time

Godspeed everyone.